As I go forward with this blog I’d like to write not only about the high points and happy times. I also intend set down the difficult issues and hard places because I believe that they are just as important in the telling of any true story. So I’m challenging myself to write, truthfully, openly and honestly as close to the heart as I can. In that vane I offer this:
I now find myself confronting my deepest fear, that is: how fortunate I’ve been lately. So many good things have come into my life in the last couple of years that I’ve been wondering when it’s going to end. Susan, my new job, my cozy home, a new hip, Gypsy and the incredible adventure that we are preparing for. (touch wood) It all seems almost too incredibly good and things have been going so smoothly lately that it’s uncanny.
I’m usually a persistently optimistic person but I keep hearing a tiny voice that says; “this can’t go on forever”. I first heard Marianne Williamson’s poem about “Our Greatest Fear” three or four years ago and felt a great apparition for it then but lately I’m feeling uncomfortably close to it. I’m generally not a fearful person and am way out of practice with dealing with fear but her I am.
Our Greatest Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light , not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of god. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make and manifest the glory of god that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson
Writing helps, I’m also invoking two the most powerful practices that I know of; acceptance and letting-go. Unconditional acceptance of all the good things the universe has to offer and letting-go of my attachment to self-doubts and feelings of not deserving. This doesn’t feel like one of those “quick fixes” but I’m optimistic…
