what to make of this one, big, glorious life... susan

It used to be said of me even as a youth: if the engine is running, susan is in the car! Suffice it to say, I was frequently on the go! Much of my information about the world was taken in by experience. I was curious and always up for an adventure!
Passage of time did not lessen the intensity of my life. The list of “want to dos” was always so long there was never time to sit down. Books, which I dearly love, were mostly read on vacation. My kids frequently directed me to just "chill"; a concept I did not seem to know.

I have not become a couch potato but I have noticed a change in myself. I am busy, but I am also content. Now with my empty nest I frequently find myself writing or reading of an evening (there is no TV by choice). I am able to take in world news and contemplate the society I am a part of; venturing to imagine how I might be a part of this world in a new less familiar way. The fear that the world is passing me by no longer pushes me out the door in search of a new play or the community committee meeting or any other stimulation.

It is said that one comes to a place at the end of life where we review our choices and outcomes; I feel I am at the beginning of a meaningful time of self-exploration and purpose! Dan and I have learned how to play together or do nothing (rarely does that happen…) and work hard together. We share with each other honestly and take input and direction from each other; respecting our unique individuality.
There is a richness that has come to my perception of living that is bigger than I could have imagined…

Waiting - dan

I’m standing on the deck of my vessel, looking forward, then to starboard, then aft. The scene is a bit surreal. Off the bow stands a metal shed with a flat roof and corrugated siding. Next to us cars are parked ten feet below. There is no motion, that in itself is very strange for a boat. The only water in close proximity is a puddle that forms occasionally in the parking lot. We are waiting to launch. It a strange time, somewhat akin to the time before birth. Gypsy is waiting to be born again into water, her only natural environment, and I am waiting to be reborn with her. To feel her come alive with the motion of the ocean, to pitch and yaw and dance with the waves.

I’ve been letting go of so much of my life lately it’s starting to feel very thin, perhaps Spartan is a better word for it. Gone are most of the books and things that have defined me. Soon to go are my job and my house. What is left? There is room, space, potential and there is desire for new things; new lands, new waters, new people, even a new me. I can feel my skin loosing and my heart opening. I can feel new energy gathering and moving towards me. Do I dare? Oh yes, I must, this peach is ripe.

Gypsy is on the “launch list” that the marina. Soon…

155 days

Memorial Day Weekend - dan

We covered a lot of ground and had a very productive four days this past weekend. We left early Friday morning for the little town of Perkinsville in western New York state, the town that Susan grew up in. Susan had to take care of a few things prior to the sale of her parent’s home. Both her parents have passed on and their home had been rented for the last few years. It was amazing visit for me.









The house that Susan's Dad built -





We went to the cemetery to visit and plant flowers on her parent’s grave. From that spot we could see the house her father was born in, the red brick school building where he was taught by the nuns from the first through eighth grade, and the church where he was baptized, served as an altar boy and was laid to rest; all were in view. Just down the road, about a quarter of a mile away was the house that Susan grew up in. Her father had built that home by hand with lumber that he and his brothers had cut themselves. He must have been a remarkable guy and I wish I could have met him. On our way out of town we stopped by the town historical society to see two memorials, a new Veteran's Memorial that included Susan’s father for his service in WWII and a recently completed memorial dedicated just to him in appreciation for his support of the historical society. They certainly thought a lot of him.

While we were at the cemetery we ran in to Susan’s aunt and her husband who happened to be there cutting the grass. They invited us to spend the night at their home but we had so much still to do back in Connecticut we declined their kind invitation. So after a picnic at the grave site we turned the car around and headed back to Susan’s house in Connecticut making for a long (almost 700 miles) and productive day. We spent most of the next day finishing Susan’s kitchen in preparation for putting that house on the market.

Our next stop was the marina where we were surprised by how many boats had been launched in the past week. We headed directly over our mast to check on the new rigging and ran into our rigger. Jeff was installing the new roller furler and gave us some pointers about what we’ll need to do if I ever need to take it apart. He had already installed the new inner forestay bracket, tangs for the running backstays and turning block for the storm jib halyard. All the new shrouds and stays were attached at the head of the mast too. He just needs to install the spreaders and rout the shrouds through the end caps to be ready for launch. Once the mast is up he’ll finish the inner forestay and install the running back stays.





















159 days...

a meaningful "reuse" susan

“Reduce, reuse, re, re, cycle your trash… “ the beginning of a song I learned with my kids when they were young. I can guess where my commitment to recycling came from! My parents were young in the Depression but their families were the kind of people who worked hard and had options. They grew their own food, especially on my father’s side and they were “handy” with tools and could fix things that broke rather than discard them. So, with our new rigging we faced the dilemma that the existing roller furler did not fit. We would buy a new furler, but what about the perfectly functional Harken furler that was on Gypsy? I heard the points made about the fact that the equipment was old and no one was going to want to do what it would take to install an old part, but what were we going to do, throw it away?! I was conflicted! It becomes a gut reaction with me! I have gotten plenty of reinforcement in my lifetime that hanging on to random items pays off! We currently are not in a position to save anything! More than one time I voiced my frustration that we were not in a place where there would be someone who could find a use for this discarded part – either for the intended use or for some new ingenious invention! The best plan we could come up with was that we would salvage what we could from the mechanism and then we would cut up the metal and recycle it as scrap!

It was a busy day and I had my tasks on Gypsy; Dan headed over to the mast area to attach some hardware that he had removed when he painted the mast. He would disassemble the roller furler and get it to recycling. That was the plan. When Dan joined me at the boat he was beaming and told me I was going to be very happy!

Not sure what was to follow, he certainly had my attention! As Dan was removing the roller furler a man he had not seen before approached him and questioned what Dan planned to do with that mechanism. Dan explained that it had briefly served us well but since we were improving our rigging we had decided to replace the furler. This man has been living for years like a hermit crab in a shrink-wrapped 50’ boat salvaging parts from other vessels; patiently collecting the odd bits and pieces needed to complete his dream. Additions have been made to this “home” as they have come his way.
We have passed by this “dwelling” hundreds of times without knowing anyone lived there and probably would not have known anything of this man if it had not been for the roller furler. The resolution of this “reuse” dilemma couldn’t have had a more fitting ending. It is magical to me to realize the coincidence of the situation; a lovely coincidence it was!

Hard times – dan

Despite inklings of hope in the stock market, my industry, aerospace, continues to slide into recession, especially the commercial work. Surprisingly military programs are picking up but not enough to offset the losses in the commercial sector. Today I had to do what I absolutely hate doing; notifying good people that they will lose their jobs. I realize now that my earlier post today was a diversion. I believe I wrote it to take my mind off the awful thing that was going on at work. That’s ok, I also think it’s better to be real, present and open with my emotions. As much as possible, that’s what I’m trying to do with this blog. In that sprit I’ll speak about today’s events.

I had selected, hired and trained three guys almost two years ago. They’ve done everything I’ve asked and more. Showed initiate, potential, exceeded my expectations and became good, decent citizens of our office community. When it first become evident that I might have to lay these guys off I lobbied for their retention. I did everything I could think of: enlisted allies, tried a couple of different strategies, all to no avail. I couldn’t sleep last night and I did one smart thing. I let myself sleep in this morning so I would be as ready as possible to do what I knew I had to do.

Knowing this day was coming I considered pushing my retirement up to avoid this unpleasant business but upon consideration that seemed like a copout. I then thought of the Bhagavad Gita, the part where Arjuna balks at participating in the battle of India and drops his bow. Krishna tells him to pick up his bow and do what needs to be done. Krishna went on to scold Arjuna for thinking he could or should take responsibility for other peoples karma. With wisdom in mind I marshaled forward; called the three into my office at nine and gave them the bad news. I assured them that this action was no reflection on them or their abilities and encouraged them to seek the opportunity in this crisis. I told them that they all had a lot of potential as well as a valuable skill set. Although I’ll help them as much as possible, their future is in their hands now. In the little time left I’ll turn my energies to the people I have left, realizing that it’s often as hard or even harder on the folks who survive a layoff.

What does this have to do with sailing; nothing and everything.

Boat time, seacocks & filters - dan
It was an overcast and rainy weekend; fortunately most of the projects on our list were inside the boat. We spent the weekend finishing up doing the maintenance on Gypsy’s seacocks. We’ve now disassembled, cleaned and lubricated all nine of them. Most of them were in hard-to-get-at places. The last one, for the head sink drain, was the worst. It took both of us working together to do it. In the process we had to remove the toilet to get the job done. We’ve always worked well together and lately were getting even better. We also replaced the primary and secondary Racor fuel filters along with the engine oil filter. The filters are located in difficult to access locations too but again we were able to work together to figure out the puzzles (eg; loosen the alternator to get the oil filter off) and get the job done.

Next we tackled the manual bilge pump. It’s a Whale Gusher 10 that I’ve been superstitious of from the begging. I like Whale pumps and have owned them before but I just wasn’t sure about this one. We filled the bilge and pumped away but nothing happened. So Susan crawled into the lazaret with a wrench and I worked above decks with a screwdriver and with the additional help of a hammer we got the beast un-mounted. Once free I worked the pump lever only to be rewarded with a big puff of dust in the face. Removing the main diaphragm revealed the source of the “dust”; lots of powered aluminum oxide in the body of the pump. I’ll clean, paint and rebuild it with all new valves and a new diaphragm this week.
As we go through Gypsy’s systems one-by-one we’re not only cleaning, replacing and upgrading a lot of it, we’re gaining a very complete understanding on how Gypsy functions on the most basic level. It’s almost like Gypsy’s teaching us about herself.

Boat time – it’s a lot like island time, sometimes even slower. Right now we’re waiting for our rig to be completed by Hall Spars. Our rigging is 22 years old and needs to be replaced before we set out on our circumnavigation. We were planning on using this opportunity to switch from rod rigging to wire for two reasons; 1) We could easily get wire replaced in remote parts of the world which is not true of solid rod rigging and 2) wire is less expensive. As we got into the project we changed our minds about switching rigging types because the conversion was turning into an engineering project that, in the end, would probably cost as much as wire rigging. The engineering part of the conversion was the requisite retooling of the mast & spreader end fittings to accept the larger wire fittings. So that wiped out the cost advantage.

Rod rigging has a reputation for reliability which we hope will negate the advantage of wire rigging’s availability. Our reasoning is; if it doesn’t fail, we won’t have to replace it. The tropics, where we’re headed, are the harshest environment for a rigging. Because of rod rigging’s smooth surface, there’s no surface crevices where salt water can be trapped and lead to corrosion, so that’s a real advantage for us.

We took each other’s photos for our passport renewals. Before we started we studied the State Departments web page on passport photo requirements so we’d know what they’re looking for. The page show’s eight examples of solid US citizens photos that have been deemed acceptable to the government. We studied the sample photos carefully in order to understand just what we were supposed to look like in order to qualify. The first thing Susan noticed was that none of the examples were laughing, that could be a problem. She had to try real hard and eventually was able to pull it off.

Me, I didn’t have to worry about uncontrolled laughter, I just tried hard not to break the camera.

167 days...

Enough – dan
As we come closer to our departure the question of what-to-take and what-to-leave is gaining importance as well as immediacy. It’s a process of sorting, evaluating and more often than not, letting go of “stuff”. This has been one of the most rewarding aspects of the journey so far. It’s an intensely personal process that gains from sharing but ultimately must be the sole province of the sorter. Susan is going through a similar process in her own way but because it’s such an individual thing, I’m just going to speak for myself right now.

My plan is to store as few possessions as possible because we don’t plan to return to Connecticut when we’re through sailing. That level of commitment is also serving to intensify the experience. Given that we don’t have room to take everything we own or not even a fraction of that, drastic cuts are being made and most of my worldly possessions are being let go of.

It’s not just the problem of taking or leaving things we already own, we also have to consider the new gear and supplies we’ll need to support us along the way. Considering that we’re going on a journey that will last for years and visit remote places with no stores, no mail and in some cases, no people; we definitely have to stock up on essentials such as; extra food, medical supplies and spare parts. Add to this list other requisites such as the life raft, ditch kit, series drogue, extra sails, three back-up anchors and a dinghy. All these essentials have to go and precede “toys” and personal effects, reducing the available amount of storage space on board to a minimum.

On the personal possession front my largest possession, my home, is going on the market despite the slump in real estate values. With the house goes all my furniture which is mostly ok but I’m still not resolved about my antique dining room table that’s been in my family for almost 100 years. It’s a massive, rugged and beautiful round table that will extend out to seat 12 when needed. Most of my clothing will have to go, that’s easy, especially the suits and winter stuff. Sporting gear; cross country skis, snowshoes, climbing gear, ice skates all go. Roller blades; I’d love to take them and they don’t take up much room but really, when would I get to use them where we’re going? I’ll try to fit one backpack, sleeping bag and bivy sack for future land excursions.
Small boats present a bit of a problem because I have so many and I do love them. I’ve been whittling down my fleet of 7 kayaks, 2 closed canoes, 3 windsurfers and a sailing/rowing skiff. I’m hoping there will be room on deck for one windsurfer and I’d love to take a kayak but that may not make the cut. Susan has wisely observed that our dinghy can take us most places a kayak can which is true. The hard thing is that I’ve been building and paddling kayaks all my adult life and it’s hard to imagine a life around water without a kayak but imagine I must as we are both hoping to find room for folding bikes.

Tools are another serious matter. I’ve condensed all my mechanics tools into what I think I’ll need to maintain the boat. Woodworking tools are another problem. The table saw is already gone and I plan to part ways with most of my hand tools. A sad parting it will be as I love woodworking. I plan to take a small plane, a hand saw, a saber saw, a hammer, a chisel and an ax.

Tension was building within me. In spite of my spartan aspirations, I fretted about how I’d manage to fit everything we’ll need for the trip within the limited confines of Gypsy’s slender hull. It occurred to me that even if we could afford a huge boat large enough to take everything we have or want, it wouldn’t be good. I’d hate a boat that large and cumbersome. It would consume all my time, and more, just maintaining such a vessel. More importantly, it would deny me of the wonderful opportunity and motivation to take a critical look at my “stuff”, my life and the relationship between the two.

I had an epiphany last week about this whole process that put it into perspective and released the tension that was building around the issue. I remembered what an Indian swami had said in a talk I attended last year, he said; “we have enough”. That you and I, all of us, have everything we need. And I believe him. I’ll say that again for emphasis because it’s important and I’m afraid that my words fall short of the power and clarity of the swami’s; We have enough! With that thought in mind it became clear to me that although I won’t be able to bring everything I want, whatever I bring, will be enough. From that point forward I’ve been able to relax about the matter and proceed with the confidence that it’s all ok. That whatever we take will not only be enough, it will be precious and a gift.

171 days...

Time and tide – dan

What a difference a week, a day, an hour or even a minute can make in our lives, sometimes. From a passing train, the whole countryside appears to be moving and for an observer in that countryside, it’s only the train that’s traveling. It feels to me like we’ve turned a corner and we’re now on the home stretch of the marathon of projects that we need to get done before we realize our November 1st departure. There’s still a boat load of projects to get done but it’s good to be on the downhill side of things. As we zoom towards our launch day we’re sprinting through projects, trying to complete the things that can only be done when the boat is on the hard. At the same time we’re doing our very best with each and every project, knowing that Gypsy will soon become our home as well as our main mode of transportation.

Meet me at the marina - I took a half-day vacation midweek and met Susan at the boat. We got there at noon, worked until seven and had a very productive session. Susan finished compounding the hull and I finished painting the mast. Both projects came out well and we left the yard at the end of the day with that warm tiredness and feeling of accomplishment that comes from simple manual labor, applied with loving care.

Magical Power, marvelous action!
Chopping wood, carrying water.
(Unknown Chinese author)

It was a musically rich week for us. Thursday night we traveled up to Northampton Mass to chant with Snatam Kaur, a very gifted and spiritual being. Click on this link if you’re interested in hearing some of her practice. Then Friday night we saw John Prine in New Haven for what was one of the best concert experiences I’ve ever had.



It was back to work in the boat yard for us on Saturday.

We arrived at the marina to this beautiful foggy shoreline scene. The fog lasted all day until just moments before sundown. It felt like we were working underwater all day long.
At five o’clock I paused to photograph the fog enveloped docks. Then just two hours later the sky started to clear for the first time that day, gifting us with a lovely sunset. What a difference a few moments can make in a day, in ones life.

We spent the night on Gypsy in order to get an early start the next morning. A clearing cold front moved in overnight that presented us with a cool and crisp morning.
We got the deck bracket mounted for our new moveable inner-forestay and I was very pleased with how that turned out. (This is the bracket set that Conrad at Mystic Stainless made for us.)
The photo below shows the below-deck angle bracket that will transfer the mast & sail loads to the chain locker bulkhead. This bracket is out of sight in the small compartment that the windless motor resides in.
This last photo is of the backing plate that sits in the chain locker. I had previously applied 4 layers of fiberglass matt to the bulkhead on this side in order to increase its strength.
Susan practiced her yoga in order to enter the lazzerette (aft most storage locker) where she disassembled, cleaned, lubricated, and then reassembled the port scupper drain seacock. Not only did Susan have to work in a very confined space, she had to work by feel alone on some parts of the valve that she couldn’t see. Seacocks (thru hull valves) are one of those ordinary things on a boat that can sink or save you depending on how you treat them.

Every time we leave the boat yard we do so with a strong reluctance. It’s hard to leave when there is still so much to be done. It’s also hard to leave our beautiful waterfront setting and Gypsy. Working on the boat with Susan is the most satisfying project that I’ve ever done; it’s hard to leave that too…

174 days...

Two days before the mast – susan & dan
It was a tough weekend. They weren’t the longest days or it wasn’t the physically hardest work we’ve done so far but it was difficult none the less. It had to happen. Normally calm rational loving people have to come into conflict sometime. It’s how one deals with the conflict that matters. We tried to squeeze in a paint job on the mast. The rigger had striped all the standing rigging off the mast in order to replace it. Having the mast laid out sans rigging gave us a golden opportunity to paint it if we acted fast. We didn’t have time for anything fancy but Dan thought we could get in a quick primer followed by a topcoat of enamel. He picked up a few different types of spray paint during the week to try out on some old aluminum stock that he had at home. He painted three samples and after a couple of days did a scratch test to determine the relative adhesion and hardness of the different paints. Rustoleum brand metal primer & enamel topcoat spray paint seemed to perform best. Dan was really invested in this project.

We started prepping the mast early Saturday morning with Dan sanding and Susan following up with a solvent scrub. We were going to do one side at a time and managed to get a full coat of primer on one side just before it started to sprinkle. Fortunately the light rain didn’t spoil the paint. While we waited for that paint to dry we moved along with other unfinished projects. Applying the topcoat over the primer was when things started to get difficult. Dan was trying to lay down a gloss coat in 6-8 kts of wind and it didn’t go well. The forecast was rain for the next 8 days so it didn’t seem realistic to wait for a better day. It’s a fine line between achieving gloss coat and having the paint run. When he was done the finish was evenly white but the surface looked blotchy between shiny & matte areas. He went back over it with one more can of paint to try to even things out but made the mistake of grabbing a can of primer instead of gloss. With the wind adding her influence, the pattern of unevenness was not remedied, just different! Dan decided to give it one more try with the gloss. Looking straight at the mast was hard for him to see the paint’s relative coverage. He asked Susan to try to sight down the mast to give him feedback at how the coverage was going. As the paint whirled around unpredictably, Susan, inhaling the airborne paint, could see that the job wasn’t going well and despite some unhelpful tips about how to apply the paint, mostly withdrew assisting as Dan’s frustration level grew. He continued to insist that Susan help. It wasn’t good energy and the job didn’t come out any better. The tension had built and a simple apology on both parts did not relieve it. We were polite throughout the rest of the evening but the dialog did not begin until the next day when another technical challenge faced us. Later that night Susan suggested Dan buff down the gloss sections of the mast and repaint with a matte finish. That turned out to be a good suggestion. Dan went back the next morning and lightly sanded the gloss and then resprayed; it turned out looking fine. We’ll finish the other side of the mast once all this rain lets up. We learned a bit more about painting and a lot more about each other. The big lesson learned is to watch the stress levels, keep the communication channels open and for both of us to work to communicate our feelings; we were both hurting for lack of words.

When the rain let up, and in spite of the fog, we were able to get the last coat of bottom paint on Gypsy. Susan had this last gallon of paint shaken at the store and this paint went on with the best color homogenization of all. Susan managed to get the hull mostly compounded; Dan got the bow thruster and its tunnel painted with Micron CSC antifouling paint. The last thing we did on Sunday was to start installing the two brackets (deck & lower support) for the new inner-forestay. That was another taxing job that forced us to work closely together in the confined (pointy) end of our forward V-berth with power tools, epoxy filler with a good level of precision. By the time we finished for the day we were working together better than before. Perhaps it’s as Nietzsche suggested; “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Then again, what did he know about working on boats? Dan observed that when working on boats; that which doesn’t kill us leaves us coated in multi layered paint.